Rings on my fingers

Nan van der Veen bequeathing her rings to Inel and me.

At times this letter project leaves me with a deep sense of regret about my younger and less thoughtful self. Mindfulness came to me much later in my life.

I have two references in the letters to rings that I inherited.

Firstly in Nan's letter from the 1 December 1969, where she leaves her wedding ring to me.

Secondly, in Mom's daily journal from her time in hospital in Hillbrow, she writes on Tuesday 23rd, (July 1974);
'I am looking forward to seeing her tonight and giving her the beautiful ring from your mother. I know she will treasure it all her life'

Mom writing about my 18th birthday gift.

The rings are lost.

What makes me even more heartsore is I have no recall of the ruby ring from my Nanny Ina that Mom was writing about.

Wearing rings at age 18.

I went digging through photos of me when I was eighteen years old and I found some black and white photos taken for a newspaper in Vanderbijlpark.
I have rings on my fingers.
I zoomed in on my hands and can make out 4 rings, I wonder if one of them is the ruby ring.

I wore Nan's wedding ring for such a long time that the band got thin and fragile. I still have a ridge on the middle finger caused by the edge of the band. I think I sent it to some jeweller for repairing but as with the ruby ring, it is no longer with me.

Fred and I were talking while on holiday in the United States earlier this year and planning a gift for Shawni's 30th birthday.

I suggested that she gets my ring that my mother left me. A gold topaz ring that my father gave Mom for one of her birthdays, I am not sure which birthday though.

Mom and Shawni are both November babies and their birthstone is topaz. So giving her the ring feels right.

'The word ‘topaz,’ birthstone for the month of November, comes from a Sanskrit word meaning “fire.” And in ancient lore, the topaz could be used to control heat. It was said to have the power to cool boiling water, as well as excessive anger.'

I find it so interesting that since the decision to gift Shawni the ring, I am now doing this letter project and rings are catching my attention. 

The wondrous ways of the universe.

So to my daughter, Shawni Maria Hadfield, I gift to you my mother's topaz ring on your 30th birthday. 

I feel you have the capacity to care for it, to enjoy it and to appreciate the link to your Nan. In some small way, this helps me close the circle on my carelessness. I love you.